A Reminder

i love mrS more than anyone else in the world.

he's the bestestever and cutestever dad.

it's beyond description.

and he, is my everything.

he (and mdmY) was the sole reason i decided to come back to kuching.

cause i wanted to spend more quality time with them and to make up the loss- things that i did not do (spending time with them and all) whilst i was in pg.

i took up the job offer cause i thought i only have to work like 6 hours per day and i could spend my morning and evening time at home, meaning i will have ample time to spend time with them.

sometimes i have to prepare and finish my work in the morning, and sometimes i wake up late, so sometimes mrS has to be alone (while i am in the midst of completing my work and mdmY is away), doing his own readings and all that by his own.

my fault (for waking up late etc), i know.

my heart ache everytime i see him from afar, thinking about how lonely he is,

if none of us is by his side.

i think my parents have aged.

and they (mrS in particular) look much older now.. =(

my dad has been telling me a lot about stuff, like how my mom and my family would be if he's gone. who would be taking care of my mom and the houses. who should he give his properties to and all that. and that we will not be able to come back home in time if anything happens to him. le sigh. in return, i always shrug off all his doubts and questions by telling him that he should not be worrying so much cause he will be fine and he will have long life. and finish off with a warning that i hope he will never bring up the subject again cause wah beh suka tia.

but somehow he will bring up the subject again.. from time to time. and that really stresses me up sometimes.. cause i am scared to face it should the time comes.

and tonight, he brought up the subject again when we were watching niang jia.

each time and whenever he brings up the subject he will cast out his disappointments (will elaborate further should there be any stuff that provoke me to write about that)

and i am scared i will and have to dissapoint him by any means, even if it means it is not my will to disappoint him.

sometimes it is really not up to me to decide,pa.

my parents are old.

i realised i have to learn how to take care of them, as it is now my responsibility to look after them.

it is not easy..but i'm learning..

sometimes i wish that my elder sisters will be here at home with me. so i need not to bear with this, alone. at least there's somebody to guide me and at least there will be more people around. instead of just the three of us.

i cannot bear the thought of leaving them behind.

i cannot bear the thought of not having them around.

is it the last 2/3 months that i have?

no, i do not know.

and no, i do not want to know either.

whatever it is,
life is short, fragile and priceless.

this is a piece of reminder for me,

to treasure and to love them as much as i could.

around this time of the year last year, i was struggling, partly because i was loaded with school work and mainly because my student life was coming to an end and i had to embark to a new phase of my life so to speak.

working life seemed so exciting back then, prolly because i had an ideal and brilliant idea about how my working life would and should be. everything seemed, surreal and well, fun. i could dress up and go out for lunch with my coworkers. everything seemed... perfect back then. at least that was how i perceived the working life. wtf.

but sadly, now that i have tasted it, that is so not the case.

i am trying not to think negatively about the current situation i am in. but sometimes, my pessimism could really.. stretch.

whatever it is, fts.
and i am the artist to paint my life.
so ah...fi.


8 more weeks, baby.

edited:
ps: i wish i could hide in the duffel at times like this when i stumble across the shits.

ok, fts.
i am not going to give it another try.
goddamn hell to msn.

bye.

i've been trying and trying and trying to sign in to msn...
for forever since hours ago.
what the hell is going on to msn?!
cisciscis. wtf wtf wtf.

i can't wait for june / july.
it's not really the month that i most look forward to, partly cause i do not want to go through shits. elaborate later when the time comes.
yet at the same time, i long for it to come by asap so that i can carry out my own plans, else everything is pretty much hanging up in the air.

uncertainties can certainly kill.

today's the 3rd day of skul hols.

gone are the 2 days which were spent on tidoring makaning reading and working on the mission.
and there are so many things on the lists which i have yet to do.
the bags and books are strewn all across the bedroom. and i am still doing nothing about it.
boxes which need to be labelled, sealed and wrapped up.
things on the table which need to be sorted out and kept in place.

it is nice to be able to spend the days doing not so important stuff. sometimes doing shitty insignificant and nonmeaningful stuff such as rereading back the books you've read ages ago, merely flipping through the old mag which you've read weeks ago, or simply spending hours sieving through some old pictures that you took, makes the day well spent.

on a mission

omg. i guess i'll be really busy these few days..
i'm on a mission.

wheeee

i can't wait for the coming holidays.
omg.
it's freaking awesomeee to have a break... from all these.

i've got a few things which i need to do over the holidays.
but bah.
who cares.
holidays holidays holidays
break break break
that's all matters! =)

and and.. i misss the caramel popcorns with peanutsss!!!!!!!!!!

it's the bestest popcorns ever!!!!!!!!!!!
i miss the times i smuggled 'em into the cinema. with bottled moutain dew /and plain water. wakkaka.

ps/ break=typo error=berak. ewwww