A Reminder

i love mrS more than anyone else in the world.

he's the bestestever and cutestever dad.

it's beyond description.

and he, is my everything.

he (and mdmY) was the sole reason i decided to come back to kuching.

cause i wanted to spend more quality time with them and to make up the loss- things that i did not do (spending time with them and all) whilst i was in pg.

i took up the job offer cause i thought i only have to work like 6 hours per day and i could spend my morning and evening time at home, meaning i will have ample time to spend time with them.

sometimes i have to prepare and finish my work in the morning, and sometimes i wake up late, so sometimes mrS has to be alone (while i am in the midst of completing my work and mdmY is away), doing his own readings and all that by his own.

my fault (for waking up late etc), i know.

my heart ache everytime i see him from afar, thinking about how lonely he is,

if none of us is by his side.

i think my parents have aged.

and they (mrS in particular) look much older now.. =(

my dad has been telling me a lot about stuff, like how my mom and my family would be if he's gone. who would be taking care of my mom and the houses. who should he give his properties to and all that. and that we will not be able to come back home in time if anything happens to him. le sigh. in return, i always shrug off all his doubts and questions by telling him that he should not be worrying so much cause he will be fine and he will have long life. and finish off with a warning that i hope he will never bring up the subject again cause wah beh suka tia.

but somehow he will bring up the subject again.. from time to time. and that really stresses me up sometimes.. cause i am scared to face it should the time comes.

and tonight, he brought up the subject again when we were watching niang jia.

each time and whenever he brings up the subject he will cast out his disappointments (will elaborate further should there be any stuff that provoke me to write about that)

and i am scared i will and have to dissapoint him by any means, even if it means it is not my will to disappoint him.

sometimes it is really not up to me to decide,pa.

my parents are old.

i realised i have to learn how to take care of them, as it is now my responsibility to look after them.

it is not easy..but i'm learning..

sometimes i wish that my elder sisters will be here at home with me. so i need not to bear with this, alone. at least there's somebody to guide me and at least there will be more people around. instead of just the three of us.

i cannot bear the thought of leaving them behind.

i cannot bear the thought of not having them around.

is it the last 2/3 months that i have?

no, i do not know.

and no, i do not want to know either.

whatever it is,
life is short, fragile and priceless.

this is a piece of reminder for me,

to treasure and to love them as much as i could.