This night

tonight,

i was thinking..hard, when will be the time i could have my nails painted red again? miss my trademark red coloured nails and french mani..
le sigh.

ah...fi.

tonight,

i spoke to one good friend, chucking out my rants and grumbles.

and thanks to you,

i'm feeling helllots better now.

-be a bitch. dont just say, must BE.

tonight,

i was mad at mrS over a mug of milo.

the reason?

i asked him to make a milo for me, but he did not.

moment later i was keksim. and said to him 'ask you make milo for me but u didnt.'

and found out that he didn't know i asked him to make me milo cause he did not pay attention to me when i told him that.

but still, i was angry.

he came to my room, wanted to fill up my bottle of water and i said no need.

as i was still very angry.

but now i feel damn guilty already.

cause he's my mosttt loveddddddddddddd and mosstmossssttmosssst important person in my life.

he's the mostestgreatest dad in the whole wide world!!

how would my life be without him.

no, i don't want to think about it.

sigh. so veryveryvery sorry, pa.

tonight,
i looked through the pics i took during one of those carefree days;
when i had all the time to sleep well, rest well, and travel.
i truly miss those times.

it's alright, i told myself;
gone are the 5 days.
no worries, i told myself;
it's just another 60 working days.

somehow i went through the 5 days.
despite how much less faith i have in myself.
i made it through, for now.
and tmr will be the 6th.

3 months from now,
around this time of the 3rd month,
i shall be ready for another carefree days and months ahead.
and with that, dancing queen i shall be.
cheering and smiling all night long,
for the stress is no longer mine.

i wish... tmr is the 60th day..somehow..

well oh well... tmr is just another day.
another day to challenge my perseverance and my determination to make it all the way through to the 60th day.

bring it on!

Another

61..days.
yesterday, i looked at the bright side of life, for once.

62

and that's the amount of days that i still need to be brainfucked.

patient baby. patient.

saw this pic while sieving through the loads of pix.
it reminds me of those happy times that i once had.
and i miss miss those happy times.
i wish i am that happy now.

le sigh.. FI.

2 days down.

i'm stress. tired. stress. lethagic. stress. brainfucked. stress. fuckedup.

the only word i could comprehend now is- stress.

i wish i am there some how.

ahh...FI FI FI.

sometimes i really wish i could be there, right there, right now.

being alone is one thing, having had to bear with alot of responsibilities, toppled up with stress and stress and stress on your own, is another.

what are you doing now?
i wonder.

Rotting, i love you so.

im scared.
like dammmmnnnnnnn freaking scared, okie.
to face the real world.

i can't wait for 29.5.
i can't wait.
i shall reward myself a good vacation in june.
JUNE JUNE JUNE
a gooood almighttttttttttttty hols for myself!!!!!
fren's wedding on 31st. and i look forward to that. i hopeeeeee i can make it!
and i hopeeeeeeee salma m. will be able to come to msia around that time!

now that the time has cometh, i wish i would have not complained so much about being jobless and rotting at home since end of april 08.
i want to take all my words back.
i love rotting. i love love love.

feel so fucked up nowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.
despite all that shits, i wish i can handle whateverfckingdarndestshitty challenges coming my way. i gotta be strong.. it's just some freaking 13 weeks.

i'm scaredddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd

it's 4ish am and i still can't sleep and that drives me nuts so i figure why not i write down my thoughts so thats what im doing now lappie on my lap while typing in the dark having the room all to yourself means total freedom with 100% privacy meaning i can switch off the lights whenever i like or have it on til the wee hours or til the sun slaps me in the face and not having fights or arguments on whose responsible isit to switch off the lights the downsides of it would be not having someone around to have pillowtalks with you or be there for you when you are scared of ghosts i have been going to bed rather late lately and waking up late like 12pm wake up shower brunch tv online dinner tv online sleep i am having sorethroat now cause i had too much peanuts and fries and oh yea i think i figure out the reason why i am stil wide awake by now i had peach tea earlier i still cant find my sudoku booklet nor can i find the sudoku player how ah like that tell me sigh i guess my life is really pathetic i dont know why maybe cause i still cant sleep and still blabbing here ok maybe i should just go ahead and try to sleep even if it means tossing around in bed somehow i wish the night never ends

She has it

i used to be so hooked on teardrops on my guitar.
it's one of the best songs ever.
now we have love story. one of the bestests.
for some retarded reasons i couldn't get the codes from myflashfetish and have it uploaded and let the song reruns itself till forever so long as my blog page is on.

We were both young when I first saw you.

I close my eyes and the flashback starts:

I'm standing there on a balcony in summer air.

See the lights, see the party, the ball gowns.

See you make your way through the crowdand say hello;

Little did I knowThat you were Romeo;

you were throwing pebbles,

And my daddy said,

"Stay away from Juliet."

And I was crying on the staircase,begging you,

'Please, don't go.'"

And I said,

"Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone.I'll be waiting;

all there's left to do is run.

You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess

It's a love story - baby just say

'Yes.'

"So I sneak out to the garden to see you.

We keep quiet 'cause we're dead if they knew.

So close your eyes;

escape this town for a little while.'

Cause you were Romeo, I was a scarlet letter,

And my daddy said

"Stay away from Juliet,

"But you were everything to me; I was begging you, 'Please, don't go,'

"And I said,

"Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone.

I'll be waiting; all there's left to do is run.

You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess

It's a love story - baby just say 'Yes.'

Romeo save me - they're tryin' to tell me how to feel;

This love is difficult, but it's real.

Don't be afraid; we'll make it out of this mess.

It's a love story - baby just say "Yes.'

"Oh.

I got tired of waiting,Wondering if you were ever comin' around.

My faith in you was fading

When I met you on the outskirts of town,

And I said,

"Romeo save me - I've been feeling so alone.

I keep waiting for you but you never come.

Is this in thy head? I don't know what to think-

"He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring and said,

"Marry me, Juliet -

you'll never have to be alone.

I love you and that's all I really know.

I talked to your dad - go pick out a white dress;

It's a love story - baby just say

'Yes.'

"Oh, oh.

We were both young when I first saw you...

Missing

i lost the sudoku booklet.
wtf.

a book in hand,
in bed i read,
a mind at ease,
to rest i have.

sigh. too much time spent infront of the notebook can be really exhausting too.

i miss the nights where i spent my time reading, playing games on Armanie, or sudoku till i doze off.

i long for sucha night.

finally i'm connected back to the 'world'.


now that it's time to hit the serious thing- work,

for once,

i wish to bum again.

perhaps i am not ready, at all.