CHERRY VS SLEEPissue.

screw it!

waking up EARLY has been a great personal issue for me in which i need to combat and overcome.

why? because i can't seem to be able to wake up early WITHOUT anyone waking me up.

other than alarm clock (which rarely works), i need to rely on people, in that case, to give me more than 10 accepted calls, and another 10 or more missed calls, or by just knocking on my bedroom door, to wake me up.

i feel greatly saddened by my own *sad to say this but it is a fact* sleeping habit.

it's really so bad so that i can't help myself to hate myself for this. omggggGg..

you know. this morning, like any other day, i had J giving me tonnes of calls just to wake me up. my wake up call is rather extreme. it requires that someone to first, try to get to me until i really answer the phone. then he or she will have to keep calling and calling and calling because i have the great tendency to sleep back and once i'm back to my sleep again, it'll be hard and tough for me to answer the calls. either that, i will do this non-intentional-act: have my phone battery taken off because i got real pissed the calls (which i know i shouldn't). but it happens. like always. sigh.

two possibilities may occur if i didn't answer the calls after the first success attempt call: 1. i might answer the phone and sleep back and ignore the phone calls. and 2. i might have successfully waken up and thus, have gone to take shower.

and usually if i managed to wake up, i'll call my wake-me-up (wmu) master back and tell him or her 'thankss! i'm awake now!'

so i say that my wake up call is rather extreme as in that whosoever, whom i referred to as the wake-me-up-master will have to call me tonnes of time just to wake me up. a single phone call rarely works in my case. and this explains why i usually have like more than 10 missed calls and more than 10 accepted calls, which according to my WMU master, i answer the calls and just hang it up just like that. and most of the time it happens repeatedly and more often than not, until the calls can no longer get through because someone, and that's ME, have apparently taken off the battery from the phone. and thus making the battery and the phone no longer in intact and so that no calls will be buzzing me and pissing me off.

(sometimes i don't even understand why i did that. i could have just simply switch off the phone instead of taking off the battery. but well, i guess we can never know what we will do when we are sleeping and can always conclude that what you're doing when you're asleep is unpredictable and beyond description.)

and when he or she fails to wake me up, usually i'll get really angry. and i'll end up arguing with my wmu master and accusing him or her with hundred-ish of reasons why they can't wake me up and one of them are: you speak so soft, i'm asleep, so you expect me to hear you lah? how to know what time isit if u speak so soft? next time speak louder lah! haiyo! and most of the time, i will accuse my wmu master for not making sure i'm really and already awake and blame him/her for thousand of reasons because i failed to wake up early!

and this morning, like any other mornings. i have my wmu master wake me up again. but still, i couldn't wake up. i woke up late again. and the only who succeed in waking me up was the sister (my housemate) who knocked on my door. with just a couple of knocks, i knew i had to wake up already and i was awaken from my sleep. and i woke up, looked at the clock and grumbled and cursed shittttttshitttshitt. pangs of guilt struck me and i got really mad. why mad? because i knew i should have woke up hours earlier. and my wake-up-call was meant at 6.30am today because i wanted to wake up early to do revision despite the fact that i slept at 1.30am. arggghhh i failed to wake up again!!! sien.

so in retrospect, it seems that i have no motivation to wake up early by any means, even if it means wake up early to do revision.

i woke up and found out it's already 8am. meaning i couldn't take my shower anymore because i had to go down to the church meeting hall (which is just below since i'm staying in shoplot) to have the morning revival (for those who do not know what it is, it's something like we, bunch of people persue the word of the Lord early in the morning, have some sharings after we persue and later adjourn with some prayers.)

but i was mad because i woke up late. and secondly, i felt lazy to go down again since by the time i get ready, it'll be way to late and i felt it's pointless in that sense to go down again.

but well, i went down and had morning revival. and i shared. and i said something wrong in my sharing. i was linking the points that we persued to what i experienced this morning; and that was, me unable to wake up. i said "when a sister knocked on the door, i was mad. not mad. but was lazy to come (go) down for the morning revival."

it didn't sound correct to me when i reflected back on what i've shared when i got home. but what i wanted to say during the sharing was 'when a sister knocked on the door, i knew i had to wake up much earlier before that, and i was mad at MYSELF (for not waking up early). and was mad that i had to do the morning revival, but on the contrary, i knew i had to go down and have the morning revival but i was lazy to come (go) down for the morning revival because it was really late already and i don't see a point to go down anymore."

i want to appologize eventhough it's a simple mistake. but i really don't wish to offend that sister who was kind enough to wake me up. and to that sister, look, i really appreciate to have you waking me up every morning ok. and i want you to continually doing so (if i failed to wake up early every morning). because it seems like the only remedy to wake me up is just by knocking on my bedroom door. i wasn't mad at you. but was just mad at myself. and you don't have to feel bad for knocking on my door nor waking me up.
i sounded crappy and my output (of what i wanted to share) came out differently from my input because i was in a rush this morning, and most importantly, i had just woke up and i set my mind on the flesh (for those who do not understand, just ignore it. i malas want to explain it here) and that was why i had all the negative thoughts (in that case: hate the fact that i couldn't take shower then go down to do the morning revival which i had to oblige since i knew i didn't really go down for morning revivals for the past week and it was bad.)

sigh. i really don't wish to offend anyone okie. but it seems like i accidentally tick off someone just like that all the time and it makes me feel so bad.

lack of sleep makes me cranky, sluggish and sloppy. i sleep a lot. but it can't never be enough. i slept a lot yesterday. which i think was more than enough. but then again, i did my revision until 1.30am before setting off to sleep and could barely bring myself to waking up early this morning eventhough if it was already 8am.

dexter told me that he suspects he has hypersomnia and we were talking about this issue over our conversation the other night. not knowing what hypersomnia is, i started googling this sleep disorder thingy and ended up reading a lot of articles regarding this hypersomnia thingy. and towards the end of the conversation, i was pertubed and this whole issue of this hypersomnia sleep disorder thingy is really scarrrry.

uh.

find me a cure. find me a remedy.

so i can't sleep less;

and get rid of this excessivesleepissuethatimfacing.