Monday, 28 January 2008

A careful heart

Careful Heart
You take your time and do not fall in love easily.You give 50% in a relationship, and expect 50% in return.You like to handle your problems directly and immediately. You are alright with not seeing him/her so often. you expect the person to change for you.You measure your desire to whomever you love by the amount of desire he shows you.You fall out of love easily.

i did one of the tests that requires one to do in order to add that particular application in facebook minutes ago and the main purpose for that particular test was to find out what type of heart you have. and this is what i got: a careful heart.

looking at it, i think it is quite accurate.
and the pic looks cute, innit? ;)

i was supposed to go to the shop near prangin mall to get the nutmeg oilments for my sister this afternoon but missey me overslept.
thank god a call from airasia woke me up. if not i would still be sleeping right now. =S

Saturday, 26 January 2008

woot

was thinking to a pic of me with the new pompom beanie i bought but then already packed it into my luggage. =(

i had a terrible migraine this morning till just now. the pain was excruciating. i thought i was going to die. cause why? cause i didn't have the pills with me. wtf.

and noises. blardy N.O.I.S.E.S made it from worse to worst. wtf.

i don't care whether it's the lowest volume but as long as i can hear it, it's fcking annoying.what more to say at time like this when i was engulfin with pains in bed while trying not to focus too much on the pain and try to sleep if not missey me would vomit non-stop. do you actually switch on the volumes on your notebook or computer when someone is say, sleeping? and i hate those sounds that comes from msn incoming messages. some people are just damn inconsiderate when it comes to matters like this.

i had my headset on all the time whenever i feel like listening to songs and stuffs and even if i am not listening to any songs, i will let it on to tapis the noises which come from another source when i can no longer tolerate and maintain my coolness towards the uninvited sounds. other than that, i will just mute the volume. really cannot tahan. really cannot tolerate with people who make noises and care not whether you're sleeping or you're suffering from headache or migraine or what have you. and can anyone tell me why do people do things cholo-ly? for example, slamming the door /or be it putting their bottles onto the table and stuffs? well, perhaps missey me is super sensitive to noises and sounds. uh.

i think i have to go for medic check up or something when i go back kch. i've been suffering from pitam-ness. it's like when you squat down or when you sit on the floor and you try to get up right, then suddenly you can feel the flush of blood gushing up to your brain and that bloody hurts and suddenly you feel pitam. then you have to pause and stand still for a bit then it will be alright. could it be low blood pressure or something? h'rmp.

as i've promised last night that i would blog about the literature paper i am taking this semester, the remaining of this blog will be all about literature stuffs. hope it wouldn't bore any of you to death.

so i'm taking Elizabethan Literature this semester in which comprises both poems (which are covered in the first half of the semester) and some elizabethan plays which is going to be covered in the second half of the semester and is so going to be real tough.

what amazes and impresses me is the metaphysical poems that we have covered in class so far. and no doubt that this is one of the lit papers that really cultivates my interest in lit and makes me appreciate those lit works (that's to say, only when it's taught by one of the most expertised lecturers). Among the metaphysical poets which we've covered so far are John Donne, George Herbert and Andrew Marvell. so here i would like to share with you all two of the poems among the many others which missey me likey:

THE DEFINITION OF LOVE .by Andrew Marvell
THE FLEA. by John Donne
go on and check out these two poems. you will indeed be impressed. =)

yours truly like the way, the method these poets used in creating those poems. there's the use of conceit, which is an intricate metaphoric figure which makes ingenious comparison between two apparently incongruous things or concepts in these metaphysical poems. and it requires one to have imaginative and intellectual thoughts and comprehensions to unravel the analogies of the poems. the poet could be agreeing with a certain fact on the first stanza and disagreeing the fact in the next stanza. and this could go on until the end of the poems. but right, after analysing the whole poem, you will get a big picture of the poem and will sort of understand what the poets were trying to say or present in their poems.

what's more interesting is that the poets will use all sorts of elements to potray something and this including using risqué images or geomatrical equipments to portray something. and the result is therefore, sweet. like in the flea, the poet uses the flea to elaborate the symbol of love. it sounds gross but the poem is indeed a piece of art.

missey me have a lot of work to do. i wonder if i could finish the assignment for this paper before i leave for kuching. i doubt it. the dateline is 12.2. on the day i come back to pg. =(
and the test for the computational linguistic paper will be on the week i come back, either on 13 or 14th. so worse comes to worse, i might have to bring my references and notes back home. and in that case my holidays will be sien to the uttermost so to speak.

i like the lecturer who teaches me this particular lit paper (first half of the semester). she taught us a few other lit papers previously. she is someone who's professional, approachable, friendly and not bias at all. she asked us to do this v-day card thingy for our homework this week. and we need to create a poem (a stanza a phrase or two). not easy winsyminsy kind of poems like those i penned years ago but this poem has gotta contain the conceit elements. tough. =( but that what makes me look up to those poets and appreciate their works. =)

lit, is indeed not everyone's cup of tea.


Friday, 25 January 2008

6 more days

6more days and i shall be back in kch.
can't wait people. can't wait.

today i went shopping with three sisters. didn't get anything, except for a pompom beanie.

J has finally changed J's cellphone to the gsm kind of thing and thereby making it possible to text messaging!! wootwoot =)

i didn't get to sleep well last night although i was suffering from severe and rigorous exhaustion due to hectic schedules. it was a strenous day. 8am class and classes were in a row straight, followed with a lunchie with salma, sarah, shelby and kevin and joined later by christopher. after lunchie, went to pisa to check out the flea market selling cheap branded stuffs (kononnya). came back later in the afternoon and went out again till 10pm. and later after night prayer, was out again with two friends for supper. by the time i settled down, i was pretty much drained out and enervated.

so went to bed at about 1+am and lied there, turning around in bed, i still couldn't sleep. i sms-ed my 3rd sista who was about to board and several other friends and J (that's when i tested out texting J. last time all the messages failed to go through, but since J's gotten the gsm phone line thingy, it worked!), i thought about my poems, i thought about some other stuffs and till my brain nearly burst but still i couldn't sleep. i thought that my brain's too overactive. and my heart was beating so fast. so i told myself not to think about anything then i can fall asleep easily. the next thing i knew, it was already 5+. and that was the last time i checked out the time.
i was suffering from insomia because of a silly teh tarik.
next time so don't wanna drink teh tarik liaw.

and i woke up this morning with red sore eyes with bad crankish mood. =S

so tonight i shall sleep early.
yours truly gotta make a run now. it's already 12am sharp.
shall blog more again tmr. more about the literature paper i'm taking this semester. =)
adios.

Tuesday, 22 January 2008

You vs (italized)You.

i'm so frustrated over certain things that i think i shouldn't be worrying nor caring so much at all.

firstly, i regret for doing form 6. i should have opted other options that i had instead of form 6. dad was worried i couldnt pass, but i somehow proved to him i could do it.

secondly, i regret for hell lotsa things in my life. in the past.
i did the things that i regretted even until now.
i regret that i did the things that i didn't intend to do; things that i was not supposed to say; things that i was not supposed to do. things that i shouldn't be doing at all.
those are among the many regrets.

thirdly, i regret for being in penang. i should have applied elsewhere. or even opted for private college to do the things that i like. i wouldn't be in so much mess right now. wasted too much time, energy, moolah.

fourthly, i regret for getting myself committed into something serious 5/6 years ago and it seems that i'm so attached to it right now that there's no way for me to run away from it. (is this a good thing or a bad thing?)

sixthly, i regret for being brought into this world. my existence jeopardizes my life. i wish i'm a mere shadow. somehow. being a someone, bring you many troubles. being a no one, you wish to be a someone.

many people didn't like me cause i'm being me and because of the tonnes of reasons that they have which i don't really care. i know.
and i never want to comply and give in just because i'm being frank, honest and most importantly, being myself.
and i don't want to be an attention whore anyways. so why bother?

fifthly, i regret all the aforementioned and thousands of others which i bother not to highlight right now. damn. super damn emo right now.

i ain't an attention seeker. but when i really care for that someone, i want him/her to look at me and show me their concerns so that at least i know there are people who care for me. and when that someone is not paying me attention and pay others attention instead, when that others are the type of people that i think is cheap, and that drives me mad because i don't think he/she deserves such attentions.

i know, i myself am being judmental in this matter of which i shouldn't be caring so much. beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder anyhow. so now right, i wouldn't care so much already.

if you like me, you'll like me regardless of how biatchy and how cacated i am.
if you dislike me, you'll have tonnes of whys. i care not what you think of me. the choice's yours.

the choice is yours. i know what your choice is. i can see that you're getting there.
but shame on you for having sucha taste. i am so gonna detest you for having sucha bad taste. pardon me, don't get me wrong, missey me didn't want you to pay attention to missey me either. i was just merely not to happy with the choice you made cause i seriously had higher expectations on you. i couldn't believe you would make sucha bad choice. you made you choice and i realized you aint a good thing either cause like many others, you are as cheap as them too so my pre-judgement failed. it betrayed me. i learnt my lesson and thus shall be more aware and contemplate seriously before jumping into a conclusion and finalise my judgements. i'm not asking you to like me nor asking you to hate me cause seriously i don't deserved to be treated transparent-ly as i don't offense you in any other ways. we've never spoken before. maybe just a 'good morning'.a simply greeting didn't disclose much about me. i hope you don't do the same thing i did- jumping into a conclusion about what type of person i am without seriously taking into accounts of my well being and who i really am as a person. whatever it is, i shall, by today onwards not going to hiu you at all cause why? cause you don't deserve my attentions anymore. and yeah, i sympathize you for having sucha taste. tsk tsk.

and to you, thanks for always being there for me.
after so many attempts of running away, i come back to you at the end of the day. i'm sucha silly girl. i know.
sometimes i don't understand why i did that even; knowing the fact that you're the bestest among the bests but i still attempt to run away at times.
thanks to you cause you understand me more than anyone else.
thanks for knowing me more than i know myself.
thanks for being the same old you. and i shall be grateful that you've been faithful and loyal to me all these while. i don't deserve it. i know. i promise you i wouldn't do it anymore.

to you, thanks for being you.
thanks for everything.



it's..

four months and six days to be exact since when you left us.
your mummy will be back in kch in 3 days' time..
all of us still miss you as much as before..
cny's drawing near.. miss the time when you insisted on coming into the house to walk around when we finish decorating and cleaning the house and stuff, to survey and inspect the whole house and wailing around till we give you one mandarin orange only then you willing to get out from the house..
cny will be different without your presence.
love ya lots. and i miss you a lot. =(

i need a puppy. or a rabbit. ='(

i wish i have a puppy now somehow. i was walking back home and i saw this lady carrying her dog and was on the way to have her lunch or tea at one of the coffee shops.. sigh. it reminded me of my dadadarling. and it was my fault to not remember her anniversay on 16.1.08.. :(

anyways.. on tuesday, if there's no tutorial, my lecture starts at 12pm. so right, i went off to campus at 11.30am today. went to the post office to help a sister to post her mails and hurried to the class. i didn't want to be late, not even 1 minute cause i had to leave the class one hour earlier cause this lecture clashes with my university course (english paper- the compulsory paper that requires me to take in order to graduate). so i reached there and saw no one outside the room, i went into the room, and the room was empty. and that was really weird. finally without hesitating, i called salma up and asked her 'hey! where are u guys? where's the class?'
'girl, there's no class today! i knew u are going to forget! hahahaha'. so siao siao-ly, i went to infront of the library, where's there's one strech of benches and sat there till the time's up while taking my sweet time observing people who walked past me. i remember i used to do that last time when there was breaks in between classes. but i rarely do it this semester because i have classes in a row. so there's obviously no time for this.

my memory is fading. i don't know why.
i keep forgetting important stuffs. guess i should really write every single important thing in my organizer. i thought i would remember that the lecture has been cancelled today and didn't bother to write it down. silly.

mdmY called me when i was in the midst of enjoying my pro-observing-session. so we talked and talked and i asked her about kenyalang; about whether or not have they set out the stalls selling cny goodies. and she told me it's really bad this time. previously, days before the the exact day (where they begin selling cny goodies), the sellers would come over to kenyalang and would set up their own stalls but apparently this year, that isn't the case.

compared to the previous years, i guess cny mood this time wouldn't be as that hebat anymore. and that's really sad ok.

i can't wait to go back already. but there's one assignment that i need to do before i go back. bad thing is: tutorials have been cancelled a few times. so also are the lectures because there's so much public holidays and all that. so what to write lah?


argh.. can't wait. can't wait for 30.1 and 1.5.

missey me will be going shopping tmr since it's a public holiday. i'm gonna venture and explore everything by myself. ;)

i miss pineapple tarts so much. cis.

Monday, 21 January 2008

life.

today, ok mayb not, yesterday i mean (it's 25 mins past 12am) was a new start for me. mylord i'm telling ya.

no phone calls after 8pm. no msn-ing. no webcam-ing. nothing. nothing at all.
and i shall embrace, embrace and bear baby, this type of life for the next what? 3 months+?! arghhhhh.

now i miss those times that i had; be it just letting the webcam on or just let my msn on while i'm doing my homework or even a call to inform something simple like 'i'm going to sleep now. byess.' or even msn-ing and talking for less than 1 minute when everyone's busy. but at least there's some communications and connections going on. unlike now. when you're totally cut off from everything. no contact. nothing. everything seems far beyond reach. i miss those times. really. i've been like so attached and dependent on msn/calls/skype and icq even(long long time ago when dinasours ruled the world) for the past what? 5 years? or more?
when all these things are taken away and ripped off from me, it's as though my daily routine is screwed and haywired. lifeless.

i don't want to sound super emo and super dependent. but i just feel so different. those were the times i associated with part of my life. those were the part of my life. those were the times which had been going on since like 5/6 years ago. everyday was the same routine. you have been doing the same thing for the past few years and suddenly opsiedossie, everything turns upside down. i feel odd, ODD and different. perhaps it's the beginning, that's why everything seems so weird to me. =(

anways i shall be able to cope it. just need to make myself more occupied in the evenings. and go to bed early. that should be it. but why am i still grumbling about all these right now? in the middle of the night?! wtf.

life's hard on me. one phase after another. this will be the another chapter of my life that i need to learn how to cope and handle. but... why me?



again.. i'm counting my days to 1.5. can't wait. i'm particularly impatient about this.

Saturday, 19 January 2008

mission 1.

i've picked out the bed. sofas. dining table+chairs.
and there's one thing that we didn't agree on: getting a bedside table.
i don't see if there's a need to get that. but J insisted. ffrrrrrr
ok, can always put the books+glasses or whatnots on the floor right? mylord.

ohwell. this morning i woke up damn early to go to campus to join the photography club members for some shootings. mylord i tell ya. i couldn't wake up on time cause missy me didn't sleep well last night though i went to bed very early! constant disturbance and noises are annoying!!!!!!!! wtf.

i was alone for the first half of the shot cause i couldn't find the gang and right, i sms-ed the president but apparently she didn't notice my sms and Chia was saying that i should have called him instead. but well.. i forgot!

rather happy with my shoots today. got a few nice pics that i likey! =)
and Shurong drove me back so i don't have to walk all the wayyyyy back. *superglad*

i miss my ex roomie somehow. wondering how's she doing and all that.

been procrastinating since i got back earlier. wootwoott.
back to work.

ps: i killed another tinyminy baby spider again just now. i stepped on it real hard with my slipper. stupid spider. hail hail glory to misseycherry! cherry rules! spiders, shame on you! woott