Tuesday 22 January 2008

You vs (italized)You.

i'm so frustrated over certain things that i think i shouldn't be worrying nor caring so much at all.

firstly, i regret for doing form 6. i should have opted other options that i had instead of form 6. dad was worried i couldnt pass, but i somehow proved to him i could do it.

secondly, i regret for hell lotsa things in my life. in the past.
i did the things that i regretted even until now.
i regret that i did the things that i didn't intend to do; things that i was not supposed to say; things that i was not supposed to do. things that i shouldn't be doing at all.
those are among the many regrets.

thirdly, i regret for being in penang. i should have applied elsewhere. or even opted for private college to do the things that i like. i wouldn't be in so much mess right now. wasted too much time, energy, moolah.

fourthly, i regret for getting myself committed into something serious 5/6 years ago and it seems that i'm so attached to it right now that there's no way for me to run away from it. (is this a good thing or a bad thing?)

sixthly, i regret for being brought into this world. my existence jeopardizes my life. i wish i'm a mere shadow. somehow. being a someone, bring you many troubles. being a no one, you wish to be a someone.

many people didn't like me cause i'm being me and because of the tonnes of reasons that they have which i don't really care. i know.
and i never want to comply and give in just because i'm being frank, honest and most importantly, being myself.
and i don't want to be an attention whore anyways. so why bother?

fifthly, i regret all the aforementioned and thousands of others which i bother not to highlight right now. damn. super damn emo right now.

i ain't an attention seeker. but when i really care for that someone, i want him/her to look at me and show me their concerns so that at least i know there are people who care for me. and when that someone is not paying me attention and pay others attention instead, when that others are the type of people that i think is cheap, and that drives me mad because i don't think he/she deserves such attentions.

i know, i myself am being judmental in this matter of which i shouldn't be caring so much. beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder anyhow. so now right, i wouldn't care so much already.

if you like me, you'll like me regardless of how biatchy and how cacated i am.
if you dislike me, you'll have tonnes of whys. i care not what you think of me. the choice's yours.

the choice is yours. i know what your choice is. i can see that you're getting there.
but shame on you for having sucha taste. i am so gonna detest you for having sucha bad taste. pardon me, don't get me wrong, missey me didn't want you to pay attention to missey me either. i was just merely not to happy with the choice you made cause i seriously had higher expectations on you. i couldn't believe you would make sucha bad choice. you made you choice and i realized you aint a good thing either cause like many others, you are as cheap as them too so my pre-judgement failed. it betrayed me. i learnt my lesson and thus shall be more aware and contemplate seriously before jumping into a conclusion and finalise my judgements. i'm not asking you to like me nor asking you to hate me cause seriously i don't deserved to be treated transparent-ly as i don't offense you in any other ways. we've never spoken before. maybe just a 'good morning'.a simply greeting didn't disclose much about me. i hope you don't do the same thing i did- jumping into a conclusion about what type of person i am without seriously taking into accounts of my well being and who i really am as a person. whatever it is, i shall, by today onwards not going to hiu you at all cause why? cause you don't deserve my attentions anymore. and yeah, i sympathize you for having sucha taste. tsk tsk.

and to you, thanks for always being there for me.
after so many attempts of running away, i come back to you at the end of the day. i'm sucha silly girl. i know.
sometimes i don't understand why i did that even; knowing the fact that you're the bestest among the bests but i still attempt to run away at times.
thanks to you cause you understand me more than anyone else.
thanks for knowing me more than i know myself.
thanks for being the same old you. and i shall be grateful that you've been faithful and loyal to me all these while. i don't deserve it. i know. i promise you i wouldn't do it anymore.

to you, thanks for being you.
thanks for everything.



2 comments:

King Qi said...

kueh ni i go ur house bai ni then all problems also go away ok ok.

.c.h.e.r.r.y. said...

l0L. sure qi~ xin de yi nian xin de kai shi right. =)