it's close to 4am and i am blogging my way.

feeling kinda fucked up and tired but my eyes aren't willing to close and i am still very much awake.

i should be sleeping, by now. uh.

thanks to grande green tea frap. now i am so awake.

holly.



i had sucha bad day today, er. yesterday i mean.

was scheduled to meet up with one of my most fav persons on earth at 7am but i bloody overslept for 1.40 hrs.

speeded my ass off and nearly had an accident near sk stampin. it was pouring and the car sorta skidded due to the bad condition on the stupid road. i was lucky enough as there was no cars around and all the cars were quite a distance behind me.

else i would have gotten somebody or even myself killed.

it was scary when the car lost control. tsk.

i was so mad at mdmY. and mrS back then. as mrS put the blame on me when i blamed mdmY for not trying hard to wake me up.

and when mrS insisted to go to the airport with me (as it was raining and he was scared i would drive recklessly knowing so well that i would speed), i told him 'no need! even if one day if i had a car accident and i die, u also put the blame on me!' then off i went.

i guess it was really a 'tulah' cos i nearly had an accident. -__-



my effort came to a waste when that fav person of mine had checked in and was waiting to be boarded prior to my arrival at the airport.

all the plans i had in mind, eg the breakfast, the venue, were flushed down the drain.

the disappointments. the promise i made.

uh, i will never forgive myself.

i feel soooooooooooo terribly bad and am still superbly mad at myself.

it was sucha heart breaking thing to find that the one you have been wanting to meet for so long had gone into the departure gate. felt so kektioked at myself. kek til wanted to cry. felt so helpless back then.

i felt so lost when i could not find her in the departure hall and when she did not answer my calls/smses.

i hate myself the most when i, unintentionally and under certain circumstances, could not keep the promises i made.

i hate myself, sometimes.



i told somebody something which i would not have said if i did not spill of the things accidentally.

now i should really think clearly before i say something.

le sigh.

i hate myself, at times like this.



i rejected a job offer yesterday.

i know it is not a wise thing to do. but then there were so many people opposing the whole idea of it.

sigh. should i be happy that i can still rot my ass off for another month. or should i be sad cos i am such way behind my friends who have started working. feeling so ketinggalan, sometimes.



25th is drawing closer.

i have only a week's time to be in the same room with 4thsistasoh.

and when 2nd and 3rd sistersoh left in early feb and early jan respectively i will be so lonely.

pillowtalks no more.

happy for her as she is getting married.

yet i am feeling sad as she no longer stays in the same house with me.

nobody teman me. nobody to talk to at night.

how liddat.

sigh.

fifty.

fifty is just a mere 50, i know.
but then when all the susahpayahness is taken into account for that fifty, the big five and 0 is no longer a mere figure or an amount.
what's important, is the value of it.

do not ever underestimate the value of fifty.

part time job is fun. another credits to work experience gained.
but then can be tiring, too.

earning a mere 50 is not easy too.
now i know the value of money.
and how hard working is.

haro to the world of kiamsiapness.
cheer fifty.
may i forever and ever always remind myself how this fifty is halal-ly and decent-ly earned
and may i, forever and ever think panjang panjang before i spend a fifty.ringgit.
not just for a fifty.
but for whatsoever amount;
even for a ringgit.

-_-

Haro

there Sun.shine.

i am now back to the reality.
life has been great for the past 6 months or so.
one of the greatest moments in my life. i would have to say.
i do not regret for the decision that i made nor am i mad for the circumstaces that had me resortted to making up that sort of decision.
i am glad that it happened as the way it did.

darn to the people who could not fathom why i did that.
it is my life and i truly feel blessed as i have the opportunity to do so. and it is great to have your family and loved ones to support you no matter what.

i guess my family and my loved ones (eg, close friends) are the only bunch of people who never pressure or talk me into start working. esp my family. till now they never brought up the subject of me getting a job or something. where as the matter of me working has been a great concern for some people. for some reasons that i could not even fathom.
like hello?? why ****ing care so much about what i do in my life?!
pls do not misunderstand. it is not that i do not want to work or something. (i truly truly want and cannot wait to embark into the working world) but what i am trying to say here is that some people just have something to say when they see you not working after you graduated or something.
like hello? sometimes in life, it's not up to me to plan or decide things.
it happened because it happened.
and i do not understand why there are so many sour people in this world. -__-

yes, i may be jobless for another month (i have to be there for 4thsistasoh's big day and hence another extra month off),
or months ahead (if i still haven't found a job and / or havn't start looking for one after that);

i may be poor,

but i feel contented and happy. for now. and for the past 6 months or so. =)

laugh, for if you think i am a failure.
but do not be envious.

Last.

From today onwards, everything will be the last.

The routes, the places that i visited, things that i saw, path that i took and streets that i walked past, roads and highways that i crossed and walked by, i do not know when i can go back and do all that again.

I could not even go back to the places i visited today.

Tonight, is the last saturday night.
my heart ache a little. just a... little.

It is just another phase; another chapter- the challenge ones.
sometimes i look forward to it; sometimes not.

you know what? maybe not. not at all.

I shall be back, one day.
And that keeps me going everyday when i am back to the reality.

Time like this.

A costly but sweet promise was made today.
Out of expectation.
And i love surprises, as such. ;)

A promise, a seal, a commitment.

And, and i had my pearl milk tea, finally.

Ops.n.dossie.

today, is the very last day;
a day to determine the next president of the united states;
a yet to be another historic day if Obama wins.
a day to another better days for the days to come.

tonight is the last night;
to be in the place where you have gotten so used to and font of.

the people. the weird neighbours. the noisybutkindasweet kids. the malls. the whole area itself. the spacious apartment. the study. the bathroom. the storerooms. the walk-in cabinets. the kitchen. the dining area. the scenery from the living room. the hugehumongous tree. the caretaker who drives without closing the car door. the morning school buses. the morning school kids. the morning parents. the 7.30am. the 8.35am. the 3.30pm. the 4.15/4.30pm. the postwoman. the fitness centre. ah.. the pool. the jaccuzies. the sauna. the steam room. the loker room. the dull halloween. that particular wendy's. that particular mcd. the lousy chinese restaurant with the worse buffet ever. the chinese restaurant with the hardest full-chinese menu to read ever.the kroger. the drummets. the futuristiccarwash. and the manyotherthings.

tonight is the bloody night;
where i spent close to rm100 on a 2 bloody yards of black lace which i have yet to decide what to do with it. like really wtf. anyone wants to buy? i do not think i need that much even. triple wtf. let me know if you are interested.

leaving a place has never been easy. never.

you leave the place, but the people who belong and stay behind are still doing the same chores, the same routine, everyday. it is just another day for them. they move on. and it may takes them just a while to forget you and eradicate your everything.

but somehow, it takes you forever to forget how your life was when you were here.
you are basically clinging to the memory that you have during this short period of time that you have here.
you definitely gonna miss here.

but ah well, that's life. life moves on.

eh, as i was typing these out, barack hussein obama wins. =D
wonder what will mrS says later. ahha.

the first ever buburchacha (with superlots of tapioca pearls) that i cooked. no taros. as i could not find any. malas to blog about the taro thing which i innitially wanted to blog about as it was something funny back then (about the taros and sweet potatoes) but then i do not think it's funny anymore. so fi.

unno and arlo. typically means yeahlorh. =)

and btw, i made a fool of myself when i said 'neh' (instead of saying 'there'/'overthere') aloud today. and it was funny to see the look on the face. both surprised and clueless.

Trick or Treat?

happy halloween everyone.